Lead In 30 Podcast

Commands vs Suggestions: My Two Terrible Experiences

• Russ Hill

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We explore why directive language often backfires and how switching to suggestion-based phrasing can raise buy-in, speed adoption, and improve results. Here's what you get in this latest episode from Lone Rock Leadership co-founder Russ Hill:

• command-heavy advice triggering skepticism
• using humility to increase credibility
• framing decisions as proposals to invite input
• keeping clarity on outcomes while softening delivery
• the clarity, alignment, movement model in practice
• email and meeting phrasing that boosts ownership
• lessons from audiobook and YouTube examples
• avoiding one-right-way traps by sharing discoveries

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About the podcast:
The Lead In 30 Podcast with Russ Hill is for leaders of teams who want to grow and accelerate their results. In each episode, Russ Hill shares what he's learned consulting executives. Subscribe to get two new episodes every week. To connect with Russ message him on LinkedIn!



SPEAKER_00:

Stop telling me what to do. The power of suggestion versus the backfire of commands in this episode.

SPEAKER_02:

Stay and this is the Lead in 30 podcast with Russ Hill. You cannot be serious. Strengthen your ability to lead in less than 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_01:

It's time to end the confusion. Get the new book by the founders of Lone Rock Leadership. See why executives at Lockheed Martin, Cygna, Teva, Chili's, and so many other companies are praising Deliver. Why some leaders get results and most don't. You can download the first chapter right now and request two free copies shipped to you at LoneRock.io.

SPEAKER_00:

We finally have Amazon all set up. Here's the takeaway. Don't launch a brand new book in the month of December. It's a terrible time because publishers, printers get that they're so backlogged. It's crazy. I know most people now are reading electronic books or they're listening to them on audio, but there's still obviously a lot of people who are ordering the print books. And so you get into the holiday season and these publishers get like absolutely backlogged. And anyway, long story short, we uh the the the headline is Amazon is finally all set to do two-day prime shipping of our new book, Deliver. Why some leaders get results and most don't. If you by the way, if you want, we we have a company that just ordered 800 of them for a leadership forum that they've got coming up. If you want to do a bulk order, I'm not talking about necessarily 800, but 200 or 50 or whatever it might be, just make sure you contact our firm. You can just go to our website, lonerock.io, and find a contact form, and we'll get you the bulk uh shipping rate. So that the the book is not like some big reven. It's so funny when you write a book and you you hire agents and you hire ghostwriters and you talk to publishers and all this stuff. It's funny because you discover two things. Most books are are written by people that are having an ego play. Like they they they view it as, oh my gosh, I'm finally gonna have my name on a on a book, and this is like my life's work. And I I don't fault that. I mean, I think it's well, yeah, I kind of do. I I I I respect the fact that they want to publish something, but the ego play, like if that's your purpose, if that's what's driving you, then the book's gonna be lame. And uh, and so that that's not it for us. And and the second thing that you discover is people think, oh, I'm gonna make gobs of money off of uh writing a book. And there are people who do that, and and most of them have lived in the White House or are um or or uh make films in Hollywood. The rest of us, and then there are a few folks that just kind of strike Pater uh in between, and uh and the rest of us write books for a different purpose. And so anyway, long story short, yeah, if you if you want to order a bunch of them, um just go to our website and we'll we'll hook you up. Okay, and the book is Deliver, Why Some Leaders Get Results and Most Don't. And I am insanely proud of it. It it is this book will transform the way that anyone who reads it leads. And it is wisdom that was captured in hundreds of flights, thousands of meetings, and interacting with tons and tons and tons of teams. And so it's meat, it's our meediest book. Um, it's it's got tons of application in it, lots of stories from uh lots of different organizations that we work with, and um, and yet we we really broke it down to where we hope it's our most entertaining, most engaging, most informative, and uh, and most uh applicable, if you will. Easiest to apply book, deliver why some leaders get results and most don't. Okay, um, here's uh here's what I want to talk about in this episode. So I had this experience in the gym the other day, and then I had it again last night watching a YouTube video, and there's all kinds of application to the way that we lead, the way that you lead others right now. And so I want to get into it and I want to talk about this bad experience I've had twice and the reminder it gave me to, hey, Russ, when you you gotta show up differently than these people do uh did um in your meetings and conversations with your team, with other people, with your kids, with everyone around you. And so I want to dig into that in this episode. By the way, welcome into the Lead in 30 podcast. In less than 30 minutes, we'll give you a framework, a model, a best practice, something to consider implementing in the way that you lead. Because you cannot keep the way that you lead your leadership ability static. That's horrible because it diminishes your market value, because the market is not static. The needs of people, the needs of organizations, the market is changing faster than ever. And so we've got to constantly be adjusting the way that we lead. Now, there are foundational principles that stay true regardless of what happens around us, but there are all kinds of tactical aspects that change because of the needs of humans and the needs of organizations and the needs of investors and customers. So in in this in this episode, we give you something to think about in less than 30 minutes. And my name is Russ Hill. I make my living coaching, consulting senior executive teams at some of the world's biggest companies and uh and leading, being one of the members of the team of a leadership training company. We call it Lone Rock Leadership. Lone Rock.io. You can find out more about us. Okay, so here's the experience. On the treadmill the other day, I'm listening to an audio book that I uh that I had downloaded because I had this print edition of this book sitting on my bedside table for like six months, and I never dove into it. And and and this book has sold a decent amount of copies, and um, and and the author is someone who's of interest to me, and uh, and and yet I don't know a ton about him. But uh, but I follow him on Twitter and he he tweets a decent amount of wisdom and some interesting thoughts here and there. So I thought, you know what, I'm gonna actually dig into this book, but I think in order to really start to digest it, I want to listen to it and uh be in instead of reading the physical book. And so I've got Spotify and unlimited audiobook downloads, which is like one of my favorite things ever. And um, and because I think this one credit a month thing, like Audible and others do, it's so bogus. Because it it like, I don't know about you, but I don't read like one book from front to back cover. Like that, that's just not I I've written four books now, so I know and I know how publishers, I know how ghostwriters, I know how that that industry works. And and basically every book is one main idea with a ton of story and context uh around it. And so really in every book, there are 20, 40, 60, maybe pages that are just home runs that are just going to impact you dramatically in a good book. And then the rest is just context and and and application. And so, yeah, I don't read a book from from front to back cover. I ski I skim through it and uh and then I go back to it and back to it and back to it and back to it. And so I I've got multiple books open at all the same time, so to speak. You know what I'm saying? And so one credit a month, are you kidding me? Um, so Spotify's model works way better for me, which is just you you get um with the family premium plan, um I get I get unlimited uh book downloads. Anyway, um so I'm listening to this book on the treadmill, uh, which is something I don't normally do, but that's a whole nother topic. I normally need music cranking in my ears if I can't breathe, because that's what keeps me going. But I I I was not in the in the mode to do a real aggressive workout the other day, all truth being told. And so I thought, you know, I'm just gonna get some movement because I'm a huge believer that you got to keep your body physically moving. And uh and and so whether that's running or jogging or hiking or playing basketball or pickleball or um lifting weights or what whatever it is for you, you you just it has enormous emotional, physical, spiritual, mental impact on all of us. Um and and so you gotta be so so long story uh short, I I was going to the gym, but I knew it wasn't gonna be a great workout. I just wasn't in that mindset or mode. And so I thought, you know what, I'm just gonna get on a treadmill and get some movement today, and uh so I can check that box of motion because I know it will affect me positively mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And uh, and and so I'm listening to this book. So I get on the treadmill, I'm listening to it. Number one, the chapter. I think I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes, and I and I didn't even get through one chapter. I'm like, are you kidding me? And and and the author kept saying the same thing over and over again. Now, look, we're guilty of some of that too, but we work really, really I cannot even tell you how many times I listened to the we had AI do an audio version of our book. So in other words, we write it and then we have an AI voice generate an audio file so that I can listen and our team can listen to the audio file so we we're hearing it, we're seeing it, we're having multiple people look at it, we're finding it. And then over and over again, what you discover is, ah gosh, it took too long to say that. Oh, I took too long to say that. But you want you want to in in in publishing terms and in production terms, they call it cinematic. You want a cinematic uh description of a story so that you can see it, feel it, experience it uh uh as a reader, and so you need enough detail in there to where they someone can have a cinematic experience and and really feel like it's engaging and entertaining, yet if you give too much, then it becomes that three and a half hour long movie where you're like, just get to the plot, like get to the development. I just want someone to win or lose, or live or die, or get the prize or not, right? And um, and so anyway, not that we're not guilty of using too many words, but but we work hard at it. So I'm listening to this chapter, number one, it goes forever, but that's not the main point. The the main point is the author is issuing command after command after command. And he's talking about a space that I have some experience in and uh and and some opinions about. And so, and he says, this is the way you have to do it, this is the way that works, and this is what you do, and then you you make three of these and four of those, and then you need to do that, and you need to do this, and and then he's telling cliche stories that are like you could just get out of, speaking of AI, you could just get out of any AI engine. And I'm like, this is no. And and then I start going to, well, who are you to tell me that, right? Like, uh, and and and I'm one to challenge authority. That's just my personality anyway. Many of you love rules, love authority. You're looking for somebody to follow, somebody to stand and salute to, some rule that you can obey. I'm the opposite. I'm like, wait, hang on. Do you have credibility? Like, uh, what what's the what's the reason for this rule? Let me experiment with it and decide whether or not it's justified and it's gonna better my life or why it's needed. And and so I'm listening to this and I've already got that personality, and then he's just issuing all of these commands. And I start thinking, dude, okay, what do I know about you? You're like 30 years old, Max. You've got one kid that's uh a toddler, and that's awesome. I respect all of that. Look, I was there at one point, right? But but I'm thinking, and and you've been involved with one company. And so that's awesome. You've got some great experience, or you're you're developing it, but there's a lot you don't know, and there's a lot you haven't seen from being in a ton of different companies, or having more than one child, or having lived a little bit longer and been through some of the things that you haven't been through yet. And so I highly respect this guy writing a book, like that's a big project, and and wanting to impart wisdom that he's gained at this stage in his life. I totally respect that, but don't tell me what to do. The other way to do it, so it's commands versus suggestions. So the other way that you could write that is to say, hey, you know, there's a lot I haven't experienced in life yet. Here is what I have experienced, and I've developed some thoughts and beliefs and and expectations and and and all and systems, and so I want to share that with you. And and this is what I found has worked for me and for some others. And and so you might consider implementing this. Wow, I received that so differently because it's received it it's it's imparted, it's delivered with humility, it's delivered with um an understanding that it isn't the only way to do something, it's delivered with a hey, you might consider this. And I I I I can't even tell you. I mean, it was I I'm sitting here with the AirPods in, and it's it's not just one thing like, hey, you should do this. It's over and over and over and over again, and there's no gray in it. Not like maybe this won't work for you, maybe, maybe it was just for me, or I found that this works for some people. And so it was a really good reminder to me of, hey, Russ, you've learned a few things, you have strong beliefs about what works, and and make sure that you're offering it as suggestions. And and honestly, I try really hard to do that. In fact, one of the things I'm I'm proud of in our book, Deliver, is that there in the introduction, I think it is, we say that this main framework that we introduce of Clarity, Alignment, and Movement, what we call leader OS, the leader operating system that we introduce in this book, um, we say in the introduction that this is not some grand model that we invented. It's not the output of some professor studying leadership in a lab. It's not what worked for one company. It's something not that we created, but that we discovered. And so, in working with lots of different executive teams over a lot of years in a lot of different industries, I didn't discover it. One of my co-founders or colleagues didn't discover it, a group of us collaboratively went, hey, are you are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yeah, I'm seeing this. Yeah, that when an when a leader goes in and defines specific outcomes that that that are the ultimate definition of success and then aligns people to that, they have different performance than when they overaccomplicate or don't create clarity. When there's ambiguity or complexity, teams perform differently. Are you seeing that over there? Yeah, I'm seeing that over here too. Oh, well, are you seeing it in that company? Actually, it's true in that company and that company and that company and that leader and that leader and that industry and whatever. Oh my gosh, let's keep testing that. Okay, this seems to work. Like this is this is a uh it seems to be an unlock. So it's something we discovered and it's something we suggest based on what we've seen. We don't care if you use it or not, don't use it. That's fine. If you've got some other thing that's really working well for you as a leader and getting alignment across a decent sized group of people and getting them to execute as at a at a market leading level over a sustained period of time, if you figure that out, whoa, keep using it. Like, and by the way, share. We want to know what that is. And and and so you've got it, it just makes me think, let me apply this. And well, I need to share the YouTube example. So I had this experience at the gym a couple days ago. And then last night, there's an author who I highly respect, and he's put out some books in a category that I find interesting. And and so I was um, I've been reading some of his books, and and they're extremely helpful to me in the way that I think and the way that I act and and in some of his thoughts. And he's really good, by the way, in doing what I just said. Hey, here are some things I've discovered, and uh, and I want to share them with you, and and and he does it with humility, but then I watched this YouTube video of him, and I I've never seen anything from him on YouTube, but I'm trying to be productive and instead of wasting time watching some meaningless thing, um, I'm in the mood to consume content, and I decided, you know what, I'm gonna search uh for something from this particular author. And so I did. And he had this video that was highly produced, and he's issuing command after command after command. The video is actually how to read books, like how to read books and get more out of them and be able to read more books um in a given year. And so I thought, wow, this is interesting. I'm really interested in his take as an author and as a big consumer of content, he is. Then I I'm interested in what he's learned. Well, he didn't share in the video what he's learned. He shared the way to do it. And one of the things that he talked about in the video was how unproductive it is to listen to audiobooks. How you need the physical book and you need to write in it. And then he talked about when people come to his book signings, if they hand him a book and and it doesn't have lots of chicken scratch in it and lots of markings, and people aren't writing in his book, then they know, he knows that that person isn't really consuming his content, that they aren't really digesting. I'm thinking, I'm listening to this, I'm going, that's totally bogus. Like I know I know founders of billion-dollar companies who can't stand to write. We've had conversations, I've had a conversation with them where this is a highly successful person took something from literally an idea from literally an organization that didn't exist, generating zero dollars in revenue and gets it to a billion dollars. Just they founded the company, they created the organization. And and so, not just, you know, you've got successful CEOs, senior executives, and that's awesome, and there's tons of respect, um, more for some than others, but but but you um a founder like you can't argue with that creating that. And so, and this particular founder that I'm speaking of, he he can't he hates physical, like he doesn't hate physical books, that's too strong. He find it his best way to consume ideas and content is in audiobooks. And quite frankly, he listens to them at at two to three times speed. So 2x, 3x speed. And and and he gets tons of value out of that. Now, when I listen to a book, it depends on who recorded it, right? I I I never listen to an audiobook in one time speed, hardly ever. I listen to it usually like 1.25 or 1.5, like get moving, take out the pauses. I want to get the general ideas. But two times or three times, like I've tried it, oh my gosh, I can't do it. Like my brain doesn't work that fast. I can't, I I there's I can't even like because I want to I want to for me, I want to meditate on it. I want to think about it. I need a moment to actually process that thing, and that's too fast for me. But it works for this guy, it works for him. Like 2x, 3x. Only audiobook. And yet I'm listening, I'm watching this YouTube video, and here's this guy saying, no, no, no, no, no, that's not the way to do it. You can't. Well, how no? How about, hey, here's what works well for me? Here are some ideas based off of what works for me, what I found. And then leave it open, right? So let's apply this to you. Let's apply it to me. What the crap does all this have to do with leadership, Russ? It has to do with issuing commands versus offering suggestions. And this is an area I have to manage. So when you sit down and you write an email, do you say we're going to do it this way? Or the answer is this? Or it will be done that way? Or here is the decision? When you're leaving a voicemail, when you're sending the email, when you're shooting the text, when you're offering a message, when you're talking in a meeting, are you saying it as a command, as the final decision, as the final verdict, or are you offering it as a suggestion? Now, I want to offer a disclaimer on this because some of you are thinking, well, but it is like, wouldn't that slow us down? Like, it is the decision. It is the way we're going. It is the direction. Got it. You might be at that point. But there's still a way to say it and a way to offer it that feels more collaborative, that that actually invites response, that invites people to process on it rather than to just go execute on it. So for efficiency's sake, I think many of us, self-included, like my hand's high up in the air. I'm raising it. We issue lots of commands because we're just trying to be succinct in our communication. Do it this way, that's what it is, this, whatever, whatever. And and but and yet when you are on the receiving end, it just you just receive commands differently than you do suggestions or ideas or positions, whatever word you want to use. And so it was it's just been a good reminder to me in that when I'm writing an email, when I'm sending the text, when I'm speaking in a meeting, when I'm offering a thought to somebody else, to just soften it a little bit. And it may be absolutely the direction we're going. So instead, it might sound like, you know, what strikes me is this. You know, I've been thinking about this and and and what what what seems to be the best path forward or the path that we ought to choose, or the decision that I'm leaning toward, or or the direction I feel like we should go is this. Are you all good with that? How do you feel about that? Rather than, hey, you all, this is the decision, go. Whoa, okay. Then I I think we create me on the treadmill with that that author or me watching that YouTube video going, well, hang on a second. And I know we're all differently, again, or different. I and and so I know that some of you, you don't have any problem with commands. Like you're fine receiving them. You actually kind of hunger for them. And and to me, that's kind of weird. But but uh that works for you. And for the rest of us, for most of us, I I would venture to say, I could be wrong on that, but my experience, my belief, the data I've looked at suggests that people want they want time to process, they want to believe that there's room for a little bit of negotiation, for some ideation, for some collaboration, for some movement around this. And and the involvement, the ownership you get from someone is so much higher when you give them agency, when you signal to them that, oh yeah, this is this, I feel pretty strongly about this. Tell me what you think. And and and so that that's what's on my mind, you all. Just the power of suggestion versus the backfiring of commands. Something for you to think about. And and I'll tell you the way that I the the avenue or the place, I guess, that I find myself most often doing this is writing a sentence, typing a sentence. And then I'll look at it and I'll go, oh, that was a command. That was the directive rather than can I soften that a little bit? Can I make it to where if I was on the receiving end of that, without maybe the context, as much context or as much insight into why we're doing that or what's behind that, that it would be received better. Does that make sense to you? Suggestions over commands. That is what I am wanting you to think about in this episode of the Lead in 30 podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Share this episode with a colleague, your team, or a friend. Tap on the share button and text the link. Thanks for listening to the Lead in 30 podcast with Russ Hill. Your listen to